By Gift, for M'Lyn.
"Yes, I understand that. Yes. But can't we move that until next Friday? The meeting isn't exactly life or death, Joanne." The trickle of melted snow down her face made Mary-Lynnette's nose twitch as she tilted her head, keeping her cell phone pressed to her shoulder as she locked the front door. "No Joanne, it really isn't that important. Really. Adam can switch it to next Friday and we'll have that slot open to deal with the superintendent. Exactly."
Shrugging her purse further up on her shoulder, Mary-Lynnette dropped her keys in her jacket pocket and picked up her briefcase. With her newly freed hand, she reached up to hold her cell phone, easing the crick already growing in her neck. "That's right, so call Adam and have him take care of it. I should be in the office in twenty minutes." As long as the iced roads didn't cause her to swerve and die, she thought a bit sourly, shooting a dark look towards the street in front of her house.
There was a person standing at her front gate. Mary-Lynnette squinted her eyes, throwing the edge of her scarf over her shoulder. Yes, someone was just standing there. The snow was coming down a little hard, making it difficult to distinguish. Was it Tommy? Darren was supposed to be giving him a little money to shovel the walkway...
It wasn't Tommy.
Mary-Lynnette went still, a tingle sweeping up her spine that had nothing to do with the weather. Her hand was slowly falling from her head, taking the cell phone and Joanne's voice with it. The person had opened the gate, stepped through, and closed it behind him. And he was coming towards her.
She couldn't turn away if she wanted to. She couldn't even move. Her eyes followed him, watching his graceful walk, the snow falling on his blond hair, how his eyes looked so blue against the background. No, they were gold. No, they were green.
That brought her to and she gave a little shake, then realized Joanne was speaking in louder and louder tones through her phone. Raising it a little, though not quite back where it had been, Mary-Lynnette said, "Joanne, I'll call you back." And she hung up, just as he reached her.
He stopped a comfortable distance away, but within touching. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his jeans and he was wearing a light jacket. Mary-Lynnette considered her layers of sweaters and her parka, with her thermals and wool slacks, and decided life wasn't fair after all.
A second passed. His face was grave, his eyes never leaving hers. "Hello, Mary-Lynnette."
Another second passed. She took a slow breath. "Hello Ash."
Lips curved into a very faint smile. "How are you?"
"I'm well. And you?"
"I'm well too, thank you."
Right around that point, Mary-Lynnette shook her head and took a step back. This was far too surreal for her life. "Ash, what are you doing here? It's been, what, thirty years?"
"Twenty-eight," he agreed with a slow nod of his head. His eyes were moving over her now, away from her face, and Mary-Lynnette knew what he saw. She still had a fairly trim figure for someone well over the hill, but her hair was mostly gray now and she had wrinkles all over. Her knees hurt sometimes from arthritis too.
But Ash. He looked maybe twenty-one. Still slim and elegant and perfect. Not a line to be seen, not a sleepless night hinted under his eyes. He made her feel older just standing there.
"Why are you here, Ash?" she asked again.
Purple eyes returned to hers. "I just wanted to see you." There was a bald truth there, a hint of vulnerability she remembered only vaguely. She also remembered how much trouble he was.
Tensing slightly, she asked slowly, "But you're not here to---"
"No," he said with a definitive shake of his head. "I know you're happy, Mary-Lynnette. You have a good life here. I just," he shrugged, looking a tiny bit embarrassed, "wanted to see you. And wanted you to see me."
Another pause as Mary-Lynnette digested that. She decided she...wasn't...surprised that Ash had kept an eye on her over the years. It seemed right. "So did you want to get a cup of coffee or some breakfast..."
His black eyes flicked down to her cell phone. "Well, if you have to be somewhere..."
Mary-Lynnette's fingers tightened a bit on the phone, before she slid it into her jacket pocket. "No, I don't have to be. Why don't we," she took another breath, "just take a walk."
A doubtful look came to his face as he looked around. "Are you sure you want to do that?"
Mary-Lynnette smiled a little. "I've lived here for twenty years, the snow doesn't bother me anymore." Another pause as he looked back at her. "That much," she amended, and he smiled.
Her breath caught. It was that smile, that quicksilver, heart-wrenching grin. She hadn't remembered it right.
He gestured her courteously and she set her bags down on the covered stoop. No one would steal them here. Straightening her jacket, she stuffed her hands in the pockets and began to walk with Ash. It was a slow amble, and she felt absolutely no pressure. No rush at all. It was actually just nice, walking with Ash.
It was a little while before she asked, "What happened, Ash?"
A few seconds passed. She didn't look at him, even from the corner of her eye. His presence was warm and solid beside her, his sneakered feet making soft whoosh sounds on the snow. Even his voice was quiet as he said, "I was going to come back, Mary-Lynnette. I really was. I was doing good, and I thought you'd be proud of me. But then it came." A smile that wasn't really a smile twisted his mouth. "The big fight. I was on the right side. And we won. But...I had to do things. Things I knew you wouldn't like.. Things that I didn't even like. And for a while, I just couldn't face you."
He shrugged and Mary-Lynnette felt a pain in her chest. So long ago and it wouldn't make a difference now. But she had always wondered why he hadn't come back, and to hear it was because of her made her hurt.
"So I just kept doing good stuff. And I didn't realize how much time was passing. So when I finally felt I was good enough, I found out that you were married. And had a daughter." There was a smile in his voice but Mary-Lynnette couldn't look at him. "She's beautiful, Mary-Lynnette. And Leo is a good boy. Though why you let your husband name him Leonard is beyond me."
"It was his grandfather's name," Mary-Lynnette explained, smiling at the remembered argument with Darren.
Ash nodded and smiled again. "I always knew you weren't going to join the night, Mary-Lynnette. And it wasn't fair to mess up the life you had built. So," he shrugged, "I let you be."
Don't ask, don't ask, don't ask, her mind coached rapidly, even as her mouth was opening, "Did you ever---"
"No," he said, the smile quietening. "There was no one else, Mary-Lynnette. And that's okay."
It didn't feel okay. It wasn't fair that Ash had to be alone, even though she wasn't sure how she'd feel if he said he was married too. She was confused. "How are your sisters?"
"They're fine. They miss you. Jade still talks about Mark."
Mary-Lynnette smiled at that. "He talked about her too, but it was just too much for him. He couldn't handle not knowing."
"Where is he now?"
"Africa. I don't think he'll ever leave the Peace Corps, so he'll go wherever they need him." She missed having her brother close but hadn't argued his decision. He had to let go, and if moving to different countries was the way to do it, so be it. She still saw him occasionally.
They had reached the end of the block and Ash was turning back around. Mary-Lynnette didn't protest. The snow was coming down harder, blocking out the houses lining her street. With just a bit more ice, it would make the perfect Niflheim, she thought with some amusement. It felt like they were alone though, and that was nice.
Only the sound of the falling snow accompanied them as they walked back towards Mary-Lynnette's house. Her knee was starting to hurt from the cold, making her limp a little, but Ash didn't say anything. He simply adjusted his walk to match hers. Mary-Lynnette wanted to touch him, but at the same time, didn't.
They got to her front gate before Ash asked his question. "Did you---"
"Yes." She didn't even need to know for sure what he wanted to ask. She knew the intent behind it.
Stopping there, Mary-Lynnette took a breath and turned to face him. His eyes were dilated and a glorious silver color. She didn't look away as she said softly, "I waited, Ash. For a couple of years. I heard from your sisters about what was happening with the fight, but then they had to leave and that was it. Nothing. I waited for a few years, to hear anything. But I didn't. But I knew you weren't dead either." She touched her chest very lightly. "So I figured something had happened, or perhaps you were busy, so I...I moved on."
Ash nodded, no particular emotion on his face, but Mary-Lynnette felt the pain on her own. "There was always a hole here, Ash, where you belonged. I finished high school, I went to college. I have a good job. A wonderful husband and two great kids. But that hole has always been with me. Just a little bit empty. It hurt, at first. A lot. But I learned to work around it, because I knew I couldn't have both. The life I have and like, or you." Her throat was starting to hurt, that ache that had nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with tears. "And it started to feel like you had already chosen for us."
One slender fingers rose and touched Mary-Lynnette's chest, over her heart. The contact was dulled by layers of clothes, but she still felt it. "I guess I did." His eyes changed to a deep forest green. "I'm happy for you, Mary-Lynnette. I never wanted anything else for you. And even if I can't be in your life, I'm glad you have one you like."
A little smile came to her lips. "He likes the night as much as I do, but he's not part of the night. Maybe that makes the difference."
"Maybe it does," he agreed with a little smile of his own. His hand dropped. "And you can fill the hole with others things just as good as me."
"I can try," she said with another attempted smile.
His smile became a little more real. "At least you didn't kick me."
Her smile mirrored his. "It did occur to me, when I saw what you're wearing."
And they laughed. And it felt good, and right, and Mary-Lynnette felt a lightness in her chest that she'd never felt before. It was okay. Ash was okay and she was okay. Her life didn't have that dark smudge on it.
It was too late for them. But it was never too late to clear the past, and from the look on Ash's face, he agreed.
They smiled at each other for a few more seconds, just looking, then Ash said softly, "Bye Mary-Lynnette."
"Bye Ash," she replied just as softly, and didn't wait to see him disappear into the snow. She turned and collected her stuff from the stoop, then got into her car. Flipping the engine, she waited for it to warm, rubbing her hands together.
Then she got her phone and pressed speed-dial one. "Darren, it's me," she said when her husband picked up. "Do you want to get breakfast?" Because spending time with her husband suddenly felt a lot more important than going to another meeting.
Fin.
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