By Incanto, for H.
Before Cassie came into his life, Adam had never consciously considered it cheating; it was just a ritual, and Diana knew the importance of ritual. Yet there was always a little part of him that wondered, if the coven were to dissolve the very next day, whether or not he could stop. He always assured himself that he could, that it was all business, but the worries never left him, even long after he'd stopped seeing Faye.
Adam's own insecurities got him into it, and he knew that even as he continued to blame Faye and her wiles for his own weakness. It had started quite simply, really - one smart remark from her that sent him spinning into uncertainty. Over the post-ritual pizza (Chris and Doug pleaded with everyone that pizza and Mountain Dew counted as cakes and ale), they began their first serious discussion of the Great Rite, and how to perform it.
"Well, the book I read said you don't HAVE to actually DO it," Laurel helpfully chimed in. "I mean, is it even LEGAL for us to do it? Wouldn't it be weird?"
"That's true. It said we're allowed to use the chalice and the athame to symbolize penetration if the High Priest and High Priestess are disinclined or unable to perform the rite for real." Melanie always agreed with Laurel.
Suzan scoffed. "Where's the fun in THAT? Besides, since when have the Crowhaven families cared about the laws of silly, clueless outsiders? We should do it properly, like our ancestors did."
"We don't even know WHAT our ancestors did or didn't do, Suz. Besides, didn't that book also say it HAD to be a man and a woman? What a load of patriarchal sexist-"
"Deb, enough. Nobody said we HAVE to do it just the way it was written down." Nick always looked vaguely perturbed at these meetings. Adam often wondered whether it was his discomfort with all things spiritual, or if it was something more.
Faye had been strangely silent through the entire discussion, even as it went on for several more minutes, and then Adam realized she'd been staring at him for some time - perhaps since the beginning of the meeting. He tried hard not to stare back; he knew she was up to something, circling him mentally like an amused cat, waiting to pounce the minute he made eye contact. Finally, his resolve gave way to his frustration. "WHAT, Faye?"
"Well," she smirked, obviously pleased with herself. "I was just wondering how great our Great Rite will be with two terrified virgins fumbling awkwardly around in the Circle. Come on, Adam, can you really do the HORNED God justice when you haven't had any practice?"
Adam could feel his cheeks growing hot. Was it anger at her cheap manipulations or shame at the truth of the words? "You're an idiot, Faye." That was all he could manage.
"Technically," Suzan mused, "it's not supposed to be the two of them anyway. They're supposed to take the Horned God and the Triple Goddess into their bodies, and then the two of THEM have sex. Doesn't sound like much fun to me. Sounds more like dropping someone off at the movies and then having to wait in the parking lot the whole time." She paused. "Ooh, but there was that one line that said ONE person could invoke and then the OTHER person could have sex with them as a form of worshiping the god invoked." She smiled flirtatiously, jabbing Adam in the arm. "Will you be open for Sunday services now, big boy?"
As always, Suzan's over-the-top advances did the job of diffusing all the tension in the room. Adam laughed and shook his head. "Don't think so, Suz." He turned to Diana. "But what do YOU think? I mean, you're the High Priestess, you're the one who'll have to... you know."
Serene as ever, Diana simply smiled affectionately. "I think... perhaps we signed on for this when we agreed to our roles in the coven. I'll be ready when you are."
Faye opened her mouth to say something, and then seemed to think better of it as Chris and Doug chimed in with their usual dude logic commentary. Adam had to force himself to look away. Why was it bothering him so much, her petty remarks and her stupid games, and why couldn't he stop looking at her while her words continued echoing in his mind? The rest of the meeting went by uneventfully, until he somehow found himself walking back to his house together with Faye. He tried to speed up, but she matched his pace. He slowed down and her stride slowed with his. It was another game, Adam knew that, but something inside him just couldn't let it go. Finally, he snapped at her.
"WHAT, Faye?! Just say it, okay? What do you want now?"
Faye laughed gaily, like a socialite at a high-society party in an old movie, and patted Adam's cheek. "I just wanted to offer you my services, O High Priest," she murmured, leaning in. "You wouldn't want to disappoint your precious Goddess when it comes time to perform, would you?"
Adam recoiled. He wanted to walk away, but he was getting so tired of being the nice one, of always walking away from the drama of the coven. "Go to Hell, Faye. You may think these little comments of yours are cute, but the truth is you know damn well I wouldn't touch you. If you actually thought I'd want YOU, for even a second, you definitely haven't seen Diana lately."
Faye didn't miss a beat. She pulled in that much closer, sliding her arms languidly around his neck. "That's just fine by me, Adam. You don't have to touch me. I'll touch YOU, and I'll show you just where to touch your perfect little Diana. Then YOU can touch HER, and where you got your practice can just be our little secret, hm? We'll just say the Horned God taught you from within. She'll believe that; she loves to believe in things like that."
Adam shrugged her off, though not without a moment's hesitation, and stormed off. "Don't follow me this time," he growled over his shoulder, surprised at his own voice cracking mid-sentence. "And just stay away from me. Go be a slut with someone who cares." He knew he'd regret saying it later; Adam hated it when other boys used that word to refer to any of the girls, and it was no better coming out of his own mouth. He just hoped it would irritate Faye enough to make her stop.
Instead, she simply laughed. "All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals, Adam."
And then she was silent and on her way home. Adam took the final steps to his house slowly, trying to give himself time to calm down, fuming the entire way. She quoted the Charge of the Goddess at him as though it made cheating justifiable. The idea seemed ridiculous, and yet the longer he stewed about Faye's comments, the more insecure he felt about his own performance. The first times with Diana would be nerve-wracking enough, but to have the whole coven there watching? To have Faye's eyes on him the whole time, judging and smirking... and most frustrating of all, she was right. He had little to no clue how to proceed. He'd watched enough porn (Chris and Doug made sure they all had, whether or not any of them actually expressed a desire to) and learned enough biology to know the basic process - he wasn't naïve by any means - but reading and watching was certainly different from actually doing it himself. The longer he thought, the more he fought it, the less will he seemed to have against it; there were times when he wondered if Faye hadn't cast a spell on him, hadn't slyly snatched a strand or two of his hair during their confrontation on the way home, but in the end it didn't make much difference.
And so it was that a month later, Adam found himself clambering up to Faye's window at three in the morning, half-drunk and half-asleep. He knocked clumsily and watched as the bedroom light came on and Faye's scantily-clad figure appeared at the window. Even through his groggy, blurring vision, he could see that she was dressed in full ritual regalia; how the hell did she KNOW these things? As Adam considered climbing right back down, the window opened and he found a blade pressed to his chest.
"Whoa! What the hell are you doing?" he cried.
"Shh! Keep it down. My dad's home, you know," she hissed back at him. "Now tell me this, pretty boy. How do you enter my circle?"
"I- what?"
"You're here for practice, aren't you? So practice. How do you enter my circle?" There was that sly pause that Faye, ever the dramatic storyteller, so loved to implement. "Unless, of course, you're only here for fun..."
"Of course not!" He sighed, and grudgingly replied: "In perfect love and perfect trust."
"Hmph." Adam wasn't sure if it was a chuckle or a sound of indignation. "Come on in then."
She withdrew the blade from his chest and climbed back into the room, stepping aside and waiting for him to follow, then closing the window slowly after him.
Adam stumbled a bit. Almost every part of his mind and body was telling him to turn around and leave before things went any further. Almost. The room was filled with candles of every size and color, jewel-toned fabrics fluttering from the perpetual draft of an old house, and an almost suffocating haze of incense clouded his thoughts almost as soon as he entered.
"I... so what now?"
"Kiss me."
"Wait, now this is-"
"Not a regular kiss, you idiot. The Fivefold Kiss. Do it or go home."
She stood up in front of him, so straight and tall; the look in her eyes was one he'd never seen before. Adam was both surprised and embarrassed when he began to shiver. He found himself wondering if she'd invoked the Goddess already; that would explain her sudden presence, her scent so sweet it overtook his every thought, driving him to do her bidding, follow her instructions without question. He would have been far more suspicious if he weren't so turned on.
"Well? I don't have all night, lover boy." Faye delicately pulled the hem of her skirt up, tapping her foot impatiently at him.
Still shaking, Adam knelt before her. She wasn't Faye anymore, he reasoned. The words may have still been Faye, but that presence, that otherworldly beauty, the urges compelling him to obey her every whim... that had to be the Goddess. He was her High Priest. He had simply been called by his Goddess to prepare for a greater rite with her true vessel.
Somehow, the words came to him, pushing the thoughts of Diana from his mind. He kissed her feet. "Blessed be thy feet, that have brought thee in these ways."
Another "hmph" from Faye, this time definitely amused. She lifted her skirt higher. Adam raised his head, shakily kissing her knees, hands fumbling lightly over her calves, trying to keep his trembling under control. "Blessed be thy knees, that shall... shall kneel at the sacred altar." He felt ready to hyperventilate. Faye lifted her skirt higher, and Adam must have gasped, because she stopped suddenly, laughing mockingly as she let it drop to her feet once more.
It was too late to stop now. Adam could feel the energy crackling between them. He rose slowly, lifting his head past her thighs and to her pelvis. This kiss was slower this time, more hesitant - the point of no return. The blessing came as a hoarse whisper.
"Blessed be thy womb, without which we would not be."
He was even more convinced now, and the conviction relaxed his shaking. It couldn't be Faye - she could never resist torturing him further when he was already in such a state. It could only be the Goddess, and now he knew for certain, this was all just ritual. He rose to her breasts with a renewed confidence, kissing each one in turn.
"Blessed be thy breasts, formed in beauty."
Taking a deep breath, Adam finally stood. Faye's eyes followed his movements, shining honey-gold in the soft candlelight of her bedroom, and then met his own gaze, locking on and not letting go. If she were to speak, he thought, any word of mockery at all, he'd have enough of it, he could still walk away... but she said nothing. She smiled faintly instead, the sort of smile one never saw from Faye, gentle and affectionate. It was almost Diana's smile.
Adam lost what small amount of control he still had left. "Blessed be thy lips, that shall utter the Sacred Names."
And then he kissed her, hard and desperate. All the trembling hesitation was gone; Adam's body felt as if it were on fire, and his mind went blank, hesitation melting away with Faye's sighs. She led him over to a circle charted out over her floor and slowly lay down, pulling him with her, on top of her. "Blessed be," she whispered, almost tauntingly, as her hands moved far too expertly to his pants.
Adam later thought it strange that he seemed to know just what to do, that his every movement elicited appropriate (as far as he could tell) sounds from Faye. He wondered if it would've been that way with Diana, too, and when that thought crept up on him, Adam always felt shame. And still, every time he came, it was beautiful in a way that he never thought it could be with someone like Faye. He never quite figured out whether it was the pure physical pleasure, the thrill of the forbidden, or the heavy energy of the ritual that brought him back time and again, but all year long, he stopped at Faye's window before each Great Rite with Diana. It felt more complete that way somehow, like the sealing of a circle, two halves of a whole.
Much later, when Adam's conscience had wrestled him away from her and his heart had sent him hurtling into Cassie's arms, when all seemed darkest, Faye told everyone that she had an announcement to make. Adam tensed up, ready to lose both Diana and Cassie, unwilling to even try to defend himself as they wondered why someone like him would give someone like Faye the time of day, ready even to let Nick beat him within an inch of his life if necessary. No matter how justified it felt at the time, Adam was smart enough to know how it would look to anyone else.
Faye's only revelation was that of Adam's relationship with Cassie. It was devastating enough, but the final blow never came. Every so often, she cast smirking, furtive glances right at Adam, not even bothering to conceal them. She had no reason to; anyone else would think she was taunting him about his infidelity with Cassie. Strangest of all, once the shock wore off, Adam was ultimately grateful to her; Diana deserved someone who would feel about her the way he now felt about Cassie, and if Faye hadn't done it, how long might it have been until Adam or Cassie finally worked the nerve up to do it themselves?
A month after the death of Black John, Adam once more found himself alone with Faye, at a time when every other coven member had left to run an errand. After a long and awkward silence, Adam finally spoke.
"Why didn't you tell her?"
Faye smirked. "Our little secret, remember? I keep my secrets, Adam." She tilted her head, offering a coy smile instead. "It's other people's that just slip right out."
She leaned in to kiss him, but this time, he grabbed her by the shoulders and gently but firmly pushed her away. "Not anymore, Faye. I'm through with secrets."
Faye sighed - dramatically of course, though Adam wondered if there hadn't been real disappointment underneath the acting. "Fine, fine. Have it your way," she sulkily said and leaned back, and that was the end of it.
The end of their secret rite.
Fin.
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